SAY SOMETHING STUPID
Now let me be the
first to admit that saying something stupid and being stupid are entirely
different things. Lots of people who aren’t
really stupid have made the occasional statement that can only be described as,
for lack of a decent vocabulary, stupid.
I have done extensive research over the past several weeks into these
ill conceived statements.
If any of you have
used your employer’s computer to send or receive an e-mail of similar quotes,
shame on you. These quotes have been
rigorously researched and should not be confused with that type of potential
misinformation. These stupid statements
are to be treated with the dignity and respect they deserve.
It is true that I
fall squarely in the category of people who have said stupid things, often
based on assumptions. I assumed the
large woman was pregnant and commented accordingly, bad mistake. I assumed the editor really appreciated my
columns and would be devastated without them, wrong again.
Here are a few
examples of the people who would lead our nation. Dan Quayle might need a lesson in
geography. “I love California. I
practically grew up in Phoenix.” And
to think, Al Gore could have been our President. "It isn't pollution that's harming the
environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"If we don't
succeed, we run the risk of failure."
It would be my guess that this is not original with Bill Clinton, but
then what is? "It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
another." All of our leaders tend
to state the obvious from time to time including President Bush. "I'm not going to have some
reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." Is this a view into the future with President
Hillary?
Of course it is not
just our politicians who say idiotic things, our sports figures have long been
known for exposing their lack of knowledge to the world. "The word "genius" isn't
applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Thank you quarterback great, and no genius
himself, Joe Theisman. "Half this
game is ninety percent mental." A comment made in all
seriousness by Danny Ozark, former manager of the Philadelphia Phillies. Let me think about that for a moment. If half of the game is 90% mental, what per
cent mental is the whole game. Oh, I’m
so confused.
Of course for true
stupidity we must look to those who make their living entertaining us. "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've
lost a very important part of your life."
Thank you Brooke Shields for this enlightening comment. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor
starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be
skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." The compassion of Mariah Carey is truly
touching.
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean
air do we need?" Lee Iacocca steps
up to the plate and represents stupid statements by our captains of
industry. I’d like to conclude this
article by quoting a former Vice-President of the United States who sums up my
plan for life in one sentence. "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may
not occur."
Copyright Jack Kean
2003